There are mixed views on referring to adoptive parents as heroes. Some say elevating them to this status takes the focus off the loss of the adopted child and incorrectly frames adoption as a rescue mission. Others believe the brave choice to raise a child left by their biological families is heroic. My thinking is somewhere in the middle of these two schools of thought and it comes down to intent. If the choice is driven by reasons related to social status or even self image, that is not heroic. Children are not accessories or resume builders. If the choice is driven by pure love, that is heroic. I know because my adoptive father’s choice to raise me as a single parent was driven by pure love and strong faith. My father is my hero and the best man I know.
Before I share the invaluable ways my father has enriched my life, I will summarize our story to help you understand how my adoption journey began and what an amazing person my father is.
I was abandoned by my mother as an infant. She left me with a babysitter and never came back. The sitter was a young U.S. Marine who had recently returned from serving in Vietnam. The Marine and my mother were romantically involved, but I was not his, biologically. While he was saddened by the loss of the woman he planned to share his life with, he fell in love with the baby girl she left behind. After watching the baby secretly for a while, he chose to dedicate his life to a new purpose of becoming an adoptive father. When I was three years old, Robert D. Kelly, legally became my father.
My father is an amazing, humble man, who inspires me through his positive example and life of service. In addition to being a decorated veteran, he was a college athlete, black belt in karate (I was just beginning my karate training with him in the photo above) and business owner. In the year 2000, my father became a “father” for the second time in his life, when he was ordained a Byzantine Catholic priest. Now everyone calls him “Father,” but only I call him “Daddy.” My father’s choice to adopt me as a single parent blessed my life in numerous ways. While I am clearly biased, I see him as a model adoptive parent who really got it right. Below are the many ways he made a positive difference in my life and shaped who I am today.
My father instilled strong values, established daily rituals to reinforce his love for me, told me entertaining stories, worked hard to send me to private school, helped me study for tests, inspired my passion for the written word, encouraged me to believe in myself and aim high, made time to bond with me through structured activities and fun vacations and supported me when I felt lost. After I became an adult, he continued to show me how much he cared through insightful words of wisdom, healthy doses of encouragement and unconditional love.
Below are three of the most impactful life lessons he taught me as a child and reinforced throughout my life. Each stands the test of time and continues to guide the way I live to this day.
- Play & Win Graciously: I was a shy child and my father instilled confidence in me by believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself. He taught me to engage in competitive activities and took me to every sporting event imaginable. We played board games, mini golf and video games together. He told me about his experiences wrestling for Ohio State University and knew I needed some wins as a child in order to become a successful adult. He also taught me to enjoy the experience of competing and often repeated the famous quote, “It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game.” As a result, I viewed competition as a way to better myself through experiences vs. an opportunity to beat others. When I did achieve success in school science fairs, karate tournaments and cheerleading tryouts, he told me he was proud of me and reminded me to be gracious. He also modeled humility by example and never bragged about anything.
- Never Burn Bridges: The value I place on building and maintaining positive relationships began with my father’s advice. He told me that people will not always be nice or kind to me. He also taught me that it was not my place to judge and punish those people and God would teach them the error in their ways. Every time I was wronged and felt the urge to retaliate, I heard my dad’s voice in my head and decided to let God handle it. My dad also taught me that we live in a small world and you never know when the people you encounter will come back into your life. As a child, I was hesitant to believe this, but his advice was spot on and I have witnessed this phenomenon multiple times. Today, I am thankful my father taught me the importance of relationships so early in life.
- Lead a Life of Faith & Service: This is perhaps the most impactful lesson my father taught me. Father Bob (as he’s called by most) is the epitome of leading by example when it comes to faith and service. He risked his life in service to our country as a young man, chose to love and raise me after my mother left me behind, and when he was making the most money of his career, gave up corporate America to serve God as a priest. How could I have had a better example? Please do not confuse my positivity for a perfect life. I have suffered through scary, challenging times. Through it all, my strong faith has kept me resilient and inspired me to overcome every challenge life has served up. My father did not have a perfect life either. Think about the trauma he experienced in the war. Still, his faith remained strong and he is now admired by many, including people in the community who he helps everyday. He is the reason I am so driven to make a difference.
I am blessed to have this amazing man in my life. He provided a strong foundation for me to build upon and made the beautiful life I am living possible. I can’t imagine having greater opportunities to grow on my journey of self discovery. My father is and will forever be my hero, my inspiration and the best man I know. Happy Father’s Day to my dad and to all the adoptive fathers out there who choose to love children!
How has your father or father figure shaped your life? What lessons or memories stand out to you most? Please share in the comments, below.
Thanks for sharing the journey!
Nicole