I was told my adoption story at a young age (see my story tab) and I grew up knowing I was adopted. Despite the love of my amazing father and the transparency around my adoption, I had questions, confusion and painful feelings I just didn’t understand. I remember feeling like an alien because I didn’t look like anyone in my family. I didn’t even look like any of my classmates in school. My observations made me feel very disconnected with others and very unsure of myself.
My life was wonderful. I had a beautiful family (my Dad’s sister and parents helped raise me) who made me a priority, yet in the quiet moments I felt lost. When I was alone in my room as a child, my mind would race. I felt fundamentally flawed and broken and had no idea why! Worse yet, I couldn’t bare to share these feelings with my father because I feared he might leave me like my mother did. Over time, I rationalized my negative self judgements as the reasons I was given away.
I lived with these confusing feelings my entire life, until I became a member of a local organization called Adoption Network Cleveland. Despite my confusing feelings, I was extremely grateful for my family and the life my father made possible, and felt motivated to give back to my community. When I first reached out to Adoption Network Cleveland, I left a voice mail stating, “I am an adoptee with skills in marketing and I am interested in volunteering with your organization.” What I didn’t know at the time, was the profound impact this special organization would have on my life!
Through my interactions with others touched by adoption and personal conversations with this organization’s amazing founder and fellow adoptee, Betsie Norris, I learned many life changing lessons. The lesson that impacted me most was the epiphany that changed everything: MY FEELINGS WERE A NATURAL PART OF THE LIFELONG ADOPTION JOURNEY. Natural? What? That’s right…I was NOT fundamentally flawed, nor was I an alien living in a disconnected, alternate universe. I was an adoptee experiencing natural reactions to very unnatural circumstances. I was in fact, traumatized from being abandoned by my mother. While I didn’t feel traumatized at the time, once I learned more about the psychology of adoption and the lifelong impacts of parental loss, I began to understand the source of my feelings. This enlightenment eventually resulted in a very liberating feeling of self acceptance. Most importantly…I BEGAN TO LOVE MYSELF. This newfound self love enriched my sense of self, strengthened my confidence, and inspired me to help others touched by adoption and to succeed in my other personal and professional endeavors.
Do you have confusing feelings holding you back? If so, spend some time reflecting on how these feelings may be related to your adoption experience. I also encourage you to do some research to look for an organization that supports those touched by adoption in your community. It made a difference for me and I believe everyone touched by adoption can benefit from meaningful shared experiences with others who can relate.
How have others touched by adoption supported your healing? Please share, below.